At the heights of my illness my voice within became severed, my illness silenced me, instead the illness within arose.
So I take this time to honour those who took, their voices silenced due to their cries, voices not being heard, and not being classed as equal, valid or even important to be acknowledged. The facts are the numbers are rising, which shows something isn’t quite working as well as it could be, it may not mean a redraft of everything, just tweaks for the professionals to be able to help better.
I appear ‘normal’ so I am told, You don’t look like you have bipolar, Bipolar is not a life long condition because you look normal/well, so this proves I never had an illness to begin with. Sadly appearances are deceptive, the fact that I look so well, is a testament to the skills/tools I have learnt and use along the way from all the courses I have taken and the choice I make to utilise them in everyday settings this is hard work but worth it and I have to keep referring back and forth to them because of my illness so, self reflection and introspection, to know when to implement them and in turn to keep on top of the illness is what I have to do to keep myself here daily.
Three things keep me here in the land of the living: 1) my faith/belief 2) family 3) the knowledge that if I did act out my plans the impact on finding my corpse on that person. But sadly, Most have no support network!
For me analysing, going back over the situation, from different angles is exhausting but the norm, thoughts of suicide, daily, that is the norm, yet NOW, I know those thoughts are not a FACT so now, I choose to and DISENGAGE with such thoughts; but I am still learning, and relearning – due to the skills acquired, that I maintain and know when to implement, this is only what has worked for me! There’s NO set rule that fits all, sadly, because no illness is the same, no person is the same, and we all feel things differently. So let’s pay respect to the pace of the person in the hope that with all the tools they can be empowered themselves?
With Any Mental Health Condition compassion, non – judgementalness and kindness mean everything, when the nature of mental illness wants to make you feel totally alone. For example, Harry Potter and Lord voldarmort; he wants Harry to feel alone so that the dark lord has more power, over Harry. This is the nature of mental illness, well my mental illness at least. A similar line is within the book and films of lord of the rings – Tolkien with the ring being evil, and needing a host, also in the demise of Gollum, & Frodo ‘sucking all the goodness out of the person’ isolating Gollum, and also Frodo in their causes to destroy the ring, so being snappy and exhausted, was the power of the ring over the host, this also denotes the clutches of mental ill health on my mind. Yet even after the ring is destroyed both Frodo and Bilbo are left with the lasting effect it had on them. This is how mental illness operates.
Can this be our joint QUEST to promote Human compassion within this 21st Century!#Compassion to all Humanity!
Please remember we live in a world, that nothing is at it seems, for your eyes only tell you, what you want to see; or wish to see, the surface layer, but this ok to be wrong no one person can ever be right all of the time!
So many known and unknown to me, that I hear have been lost to suicide, over the years, daily, weekly, monthly, and its increasing to amongst our teenagers too.
So let’s try and do what we can?
#Mental ill health #wellbeing #BLM #AllVoicesMatter #AllEqual #EveryoneMatters so that we can become
So for all who have taken their own lives, for those whose voices within the system and you see no light this too is also for you, all your voices are not lost here, you all matter, and I reveal myself in this photo in all of your honour and memory….Show Love
Copyright © myfanwy80 2020
Posted in: Poetry/ Ancient Traditions