
The Shell of Chelle Pt II #StarfishClub #CoffeeandaChat #Poetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #PoetryHub #PTSD
Fornication
Drinking
Addictions
Gluttony
Greed
Sexual exploitation
Sexual manipulation
Alcohol
Drugs
& Stealth
My own automatic reaction dictated my ill’d self
In my pasts eye for that was the mess I was in
For there is no self worth in this place
There is no personal safety in this place
And this made me stink to myself
For I wanted no attention from anyone in this dank place for I was worth no attention so the aggressors said one and all
They were attracted to me though
Though I see now they entered my life because I wanted to distract myself from looking at all of the traumas
one by one; piece by piece
For I was in denial at the mark they left on me
My defences in tatters
And my denials ravaged me
For I was told my gut wrenching was butterflies but the reverse is true
Not knowing who to trust this was a lonely place to be
The shame
The fear
The guilt
The anger at myself
I stand here now
Looking back
What I now see in the true mirror has a strength for I survived them all and I still get back up
For now I see
I am a being of love and light
I am worthy
I am visible
I am my biggest fan.
© all rights reserved to the author MEJ 2020
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Posted in: email: myfanwy80@yahoo.com