The Shell of Chelle Pt II #StarfishClub #CoffeeandaChat #Poetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #PoetryHub #PTSD

Fornication

Drinking

Addictions

Gluttony

Greed

Sexual exploitation

Sexual manipulation

Alcohol

Drugs

& Stealth

My own automatic reaction dictated my ill’d self

In my pasts eye for that was the mess I was in

For there is no self worth in this place

There is no personal safety in this place

And this made me stink to myself

For I wanted no attention from anyone in this dank place for I was worth no attention so the aggressors said one and all

They were attracted to me though

Though I see now they entered my life because I wanted to distract myself from looking at all of the traumas

one by one; piece by piece

For I was in denial at the mark they left on me

My defences in tatters

And my denials ravaged me

For I was told my gut wrenching was butterflies but the reverse is true

Not knowing who to trust this was a lonely place to be

The shame

The fear

The guilt

The anger at myself

I stand here now

Looking back

What I now see in the true mirror has a strength for I survived them all and I still get back up

For now I see

I am a being of love and light

I am worthy

I am visible

I am my biggest fan.

© all rights reserved to the author MEJ 2020

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